I hope you're all well. I'm very tired at the moment, and losing my mind!! 😝 Just kidding, Patrick is fine. Patrick has not lost it. Patrick is not planning a cult to the Maple Leaf Tree (applications will be sent out soon).
May Term Update
All right, before you all jump ship, I am fine, just exhausted from May Term. Now you might be thinking "Patrick, what exactly is May Term?" Well dear reader, whether you're in high school, have been out of college for a few years, or never went to college (which's totally fine by the way, not everyone needs to), May Term is a 3 week intense study semester where students take a class in an express form, so they can clear space in their schedule. Some schools hold this between Fall and Spring Semester in January called J-Term, so some might be more familiar with that.
For May Term, classes start at 8 am, so I have to wake up at 7:15 am to get up, and go to bed at 10 pm. I'm sure some readers may roll their eyes at this being a "woe" (and fair enough 😛), though when you're used to 8:30 am, this' a jump. Oh well, it's not as bad as this summer, I'll have to wake up at 4:30 to get around for work!
But we're not talking about my summer job, we're talking about May Term (and Sonic, but we'll get to that).
I'm taking two classes during May Term, which's not normally done, but I can get away with because one is a 1 credit class. The one credit class is the English Writing Outside Workshop, led by Abbie Gascho, a Veterinarian, Writer and Mussel enthusiast/nerd. Because everyone is a nerd about everyone. Seriously, you should hear her talk about Mussels. She described to our class how she saw a pregnant female Mussel luring in fish with a lure, which they need to do so the babies can latch onto a fish for a ride, while she was diving when pregnant. (Quick Fun Fact, there's a Mussel Convention. Yes, there's enough people for that, which's important, since unfortunately mussels are endangered because of humans messing with the environment. Thanks humans).
Her face lit up as she gave us vivid details of seeing this rare sight. Mrs. Bascho wrote a book called "Immersion: The Science and Mystery of Freshwater Mussels," which I recommend you check out. I'm planning to in the future, hopefully my school library has a copy.
The class' really interesting, we went to Merry Lea yesterday (our off campus farm site) for a writing workshop, including a walk in the rain, and sitting in a barn loft to write. I might write about this later, or workshop an email on here about it. @ me later on twitter if I forget if this sounds interesting to you.
There's also interesting readings, such as this reading about octopuses. I'll link it here, and I suggest you give it a read: https://orionmagazine.org/article/deep-intellect
Here's another interesting one (unless you're a germaphobe, then this might terrify you):
https://orionmagazine.org/article/the-new-you
I actually just finished "Deep Intellect" for a class reading, and I'm taking a break (I probably shouldn't 😛) to write on here. I've really enjoyed the class, and the writing prompts we've done. I think I better understand how to write about nature, and to make parts of a specific environment, such as a squirrel, or a tree, a character. I also appreciate more creative non-fiction.
The workshop lasts one week, which's a relief, because it's very work intensive. By 6 pm tonight we're supposed to have two pieces of writing done, one which includes an interview, the other intensive research on a topic. I wrote about my college's prairie program, which I'll probably upload to here, so you can give it a read. (Side note: the other one including the interview won't be uploaded here, due to concerns from one of my interviewees about danger coming to the animals spoke about in the interview, so I'm sure you'll all understand).
My main class is Asian Thought, which discusses the faiths/philosophies of Asian cultures. According to our Professor Joann, Asian languages don't have a word for religion, it's actually a Western concept. I had no idea!
Asian Thought didn't start until today (I lost two free days to the Workshop, but it was worth it. Can you complain when you get to hang out with fellow writers and get free food, such as Mexican take out? Exactly) and seems very work intensive. So I might be on another hiatus from here, or maybe I'll just write during the weekend. There's not a lot to say about Asian Thought yet, since I've only had one class.
I can say I accidentally woke up an hour early. I thought class started at 8, turns out Joann pushed it to 9, but just for today. Oh well, it's another day to get used to waking up at 7:15 am.
Patrick Badly Explains the Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Trailer
All right, now to the juicy stuff!
So, welcome to the first blog (I'll explain in a sec) version of "Patrick Badly Explains," everyone's favorite (I hope) new recurring segment where Patrick badly explains a topic.
Now, I say blog version because this started in person with friends, and I thought "Hey? Why not try writing it down?" So here we are. I was considering making this a YouTube series, but since I already have the blog, it seemed best not to stretch myself too thin. So let's get into it!!
(!!Disclaimer!!: The following segment, "Patrick Badly Explains..." is meant for comedy/satire, and should not be taken as serious. This doesn't represent the author, and should not be quoted as their personal thoughts. Also, some things might be inconsistent, such as italicizing titles, this' a part of the joke, and I can't be bothered to really edit this segment. I actually did check for typos by the way, a joke's not funny if poorly planned. Do not take this as fact. No offense is intended, and the author apologizes in advance if this comes off the wrong way).
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvvZaBf9QQI You can watch the trailer here if you want, I don't know why you would. If you hate yourself, or enjoy nightmares, here you go.
So, the Sonic the Hedgehog film trailer. This poor thing never had a chance. (What did we expect from a Sonic the Hedgehog movie produced by the producers of The Fast & Furious?) You see, some underpaid intern at Paramount (who probably hates their job) is clearly a Sonic fan. Why? Because they risked their job to leak photos of the film to the internet. The results were a unanimous reaction of "WHAT THE F&^%* DID THEY DO TO SONIC?!"
One leaked photo showed an outline of Sonic on a poster, and his all-too human hands!! Seriously, why do they look human? (I mean from memory, this' Patrick Badly Explains, do you expect me to do, look it up? Okay, fine, I checked, they still look too human, but kind of claw like, it's a poster what do you expect?)
Another leaked poster showed Sonic hanging out on the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge, graffiti-ing "Sonic Wuz here" like a 13 year old, and his legs, OH GOOD LORD those legs. Words cannot do them justice. But the internet did with memes.... which the Sonic official twitter started retweeting, and released a photo saying "Can't a guy work out?" Yes Sonic, but don't just go on leg day, otherwise you look like an uneven monster!
So yeah, this trailer had a lot to live up to, or rather make up for. And then it randomly dropped on May 30. I guess after the excitement of Avengers: Endgame, Paramount thought we all needed to be brought back to reality and end the month on a bad note. Allowing the internet to do what the internet does best, react and freak out. Like on here!!
Currently the trailer's been #1 on trending for two days, but not for good reasons. The like-dislike ratio is fighting between hardcore Sonic fans who will support anything Sonic related, and everyone else (Disclaimer: Real talk here, please remember that this' just a joke, please don't get angry @ me Sonic Fandom). Likes currently sit at 203,000, and dislikes 323,000. Geez, this' a more intense race than PewdiePie vs T-Series, and as equally unimportant.
So what's in this trailer? Well, we finally see the Sonic design officially. Whoever did the design hates Sonic, so they smoked a butt load of crack, then drew a misshaped Sonic, with...EVERYTHING wrong! I know the Sonic Fandom is used to disappointment, but come on! We've got Detective Pikachu coming out the same year as this! You can't, CAN'T tell me a movie studio can't get Sonic right. Some rando on the internet literally fixed the design by making the eyes bigger, there's literally no excuse.
Now, to the rest of the trailer. It's actually pretty good, and would look like silly fun if not for this dumb design. It's got a generic plot: video game character comes into the real world, and has to get home. Sonic's done this before with the anime Sonic X, which was pretty good. I mean, maybe that's nostalgia blinding me, for a show I hardly remember and a character I somewhat like.
We also see Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik, or Eggman, or whatever the hell Sega's renamed him. I swear next he'll be Dr. Eg. Mann, or Dr. Egg Robotnik next. Or maybe just Larry, I'd be down with Sonic vs. Larry: Dawn of Speed.
Anyways, Jim Carrey doesn't seem like he cares. I think he pulled a Tommy Lee Jones Batman Forever and did this for his kids. Or maybe they threw enough money at him. (I mean at least he shaved that crazy wild man beard, or maybe Paramount's just trolling Warner Bros. even more since Justice League by cgi-ing the beard off better than Henry Cavill's mustache and demon lip). You know I like the latter theory better, that's my head canon now.
Lastly, the song. WHY did they use Gangster's Paradise? It doesn't fit, or have anything to do with Sonic. Granted, Detective Pikachu used "Holding out for a Hero," but at least that worked. Wait.... that's it! All right, here's my theory!
Some Paramount Executive was like "Bro, did you see that Detective Pikachu trailer? We need an 80's song! Whatta do we have the rights to?"
"Well, we've got Gangsta's Paradise, which a Sonic Fan used, but--"
"PUT THAT SUCKER IN!!"
Yeah, the trailer's an...interesting mess. And if anything this movie's just going to be a meme gold mine. No, a DIAMOND mine, because like real diamonds (which would be worthless if they weren't monopolized) this movie's going to make money even if it's not that good. Probably, I don't know. Maybe there's enough hardcore Sonic fans out there so it'll make money.
This concludes Patrick Badly Explains..., tune in next time (whenever that is).
Conclusion
All right, back to seriousness. I hope you enjoyed that session of Patrick Badly Explains. Let me know in the comments if you want to see me do that more.
Thanks for reading. You can find me on Twitter @ Conductor Pat. Keep writing, and I'll
see you on the Tramway!
see you on the Tramway!
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