Mid-March Update: New Author Website?, Lady Luck & What Else I've Been Up To

 Hello everyone,

Welcome back to Tug & Tram blogging. Apologies for the lack of content recently. As I believe I've mentioned before, I'm currently working on wrapping up my senior year. School has to take priority, and while I miss writing on here, I have to keep my grades up. I'm sure you all understand.

While I have a bit of free time, I wanted to give you all a quick update.

New Website?

For one of my classes I had to work on a website to act as a portfolio, and I decided to try a new website designer program. I've previously used wordpress, which has it's pros and cons (I like the professional looking url, but found it hard to modify my website). 

I tried wix, which I used for my presentation. Again, pros and cons (I found wix easier to use, but the url isn't that professional looking). I've received mixed feedback on what to use: wordpress or wix. I'm not sure which I will end up picking, though I do know I need to improve my website building skills. If anyone has recommendations, whether they be articles or videos, feel free to share them.

While I'm on this topic, I am toying with the idea of moving the blog onto my website. I've seen several writers have their blogs on their websites to drive interest to their longer form writing, and build a devoted following. If I do move it to my website, I hope that fans on here will follow there as well. 

Lady Luck

My senior project Lady Luck is coming along nicely. I'm currently working on talking with my book designer and book cover artist for final touches. I hope to reveal my cover to you all in the near future. I'm very excited with how the project is turning out. 

Unfortunately, due to COVID-19 and scheduling, my department decided to cancel our book release party. Instead, we're going to do a reading at the academic symposium, and sell our books at the art sale that will happen in April. While I am sad to not have the book release, I'm still glad we can share our works. 

Plus, I may be able to share a link so that you can see me read my book. There is unfortunately no options to buy the book online, which we are slightly looking into, so I'll let you know if that becomes an option.

Everything Else

I'm currently reading "Discerning Grace" by Emma Lombard (who had a guest post, go and look for that in case you missed it) and I'm really enjoying it. I'm not a romance enthusiast, but I do like history, and I can appreciate a good love story. Emma's writing is superb, and I can't wait to read more of it.

I'm also reading "Color Me In" by Natasha Díaz. It's a young adult story about a biracial teen and the struggles she faces when her parents split up. It's written in first person, and is one of the best YA books I've read recently. Make sure you grab a copy of both of these books if you're interested. 

That's about it for where I'm at currently. I hope that things are going well in your lives. Have you had a time where real life got in the way of your creativity? Let me know in the comments. And be sure to follow me on my social media links on the right hand of the blogger page. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you on the Tramway. 

New Year's Resolutions & General Update

Welcome to the Tramway,

Hello readers. Thank you for reading today's post for Tug & Tram Blogging. Did you have a safe new year’s eve? I hope that, however you celebrated, you had a fun, but safe, time. 

Firstly, I want to give a big thank you to everyone who has read my Lady Luck novella preview. In case you missed my last post, as a Christmas Eve "gift" I published the first chapter of Lady Luck for FREE. You can still go read it, to get an idea of what the novella will look like.

While the project has another round of editing to go through, this time from my school's publication board (the Pinchpenny Press), I feel confident about the novella. Thanks as always to my friend and colleague Cristina Jantz of tidbitediting.com for her editing and feedback.

Moving on to our next topic, I've noticed that writers often post writer’s new year resolutions. Not wanting to miss out on the fun, here’s new year writing resolutions.

Christmas Eve Book Preview: Lady Luck

 Welcome to Tug & Tram Blogging. 

Happy Holidays! Isn’t it insane to think a year has passed? Thank goodness and good riddance!

While I haven’t been able to post on here as often as I would have liked to, I appreciate you, dear readers, for sticking with me. I hope that next year is better for you and your families.

Today, I’d like to celebrate the holiday season, and reaching 2,500 followers on Twitter, with a chapter reveal! That’s right, here’s the first look at my senior project, Lady Luck (working title). 

Special thanks to Cristina Jantz, who helped to edit and provide feedback on the project. If you would like to work with Cristina, reach out to her on tidbitediting.com. Now, onto the chapter. 

Lady Luck

Chapter 1: The Jenkville Blitz

April 2, 1941

Brenda Banks stepped out of the limo in her red dress and matching heels. Her small black hat, complete with a feather and a veil, covered the left side of her face. Tonight was for dancing and having fun. She needed a break once in a while, and the Jenkville Lindyhop was the perfect place for doing just that.

Several young men smoking by the entrance in colorful zoot suits turned to stare at her. They cat-called and fanned themselves with their hats. 

Brenda ignored them until one tried to slap her rear. She grabbed his arm and pinned him to the ground. “Excuse me! Hands to yourself!”

The man swore at her. Brenda twisted his arm further.

“All right, all right! Sorry!” he blurted.

With a smirk, Brenda waltzed inside.

---

Hundreds of miles away, the Tokyo-Jenkville goods was stalled over the Pacific Ocean.

“Engine trouble,” the conductor reported. He opened a secret panel and pulled a red lever. 10 freight cars collapsed to reveal four gray German AR-197 biplanes and two zeppelin cabs. Crewmen marched from the rear cars into the zeppelins. 

A short man in a black SS uniform watched the operation. The zeppelins, the Graf, and the Amerika took to the air, each carrying two AR-197s.

You war profiteering’s come to haunt you, America, Commandant Grendel thought.

---

Brenda danced with different men all night. After rejecting five minks, three diamond rings, and a golden necklace, she escaped into the cool night air. 

Peecolo tapped the steering wheel as he waited outside. He was thoroughly startled when Brenda jumped through the rear open window, trying to avoid twelve more men. 

“Step on it!” she cried.

Peecolo roared away from the Jenkville Lindyhop. “Where to now, madam?” 

“Home.” Brenda leaned back against the seat and sighed. “Is this all my life is? Dancing, harassment by bachelors only looking for Father’s money, inheriting an empire?” 

Peecolo shook his head. He craned his neck to examine a shadow that had just appeared above them. “Odd! Isn’t that blimp a bit low?” 

Brenda opened up the sunroof. She could just make out a...red swastika?  

Then the first bomb dropped.

Brenda immediately closed the sunroof to avoid the shower of asphalt and glass. She and Peecolo screamed at the top of their lungs. 

“Hold on!” Peecolo slammed on the gas as more bombs hurtled toward Jenkville.

The AR-197s roared to the Navy dockyard. Before the alarm could be raised, they dropped four torpedoes. One struck the quayside, but the rest hit their target. The USS Jenkville’s cargo erupted in flames.

Peecolo swerved around a burning car, honking to alert the throng of people. Residents were setting up bucket brigades to save their homes. 

Brenda was glued to the window. “Wait! Stop!”

Once the car skidded to a halt, Brenda ran to a Black police officer, who was tossing debris into the air.

“Peecolo, help us! There’s a kid under here!” Brenda pulled a terrified four-year-old from the rubble while the officer and Peecolo held up the debris. “It’s all right. You’re going to be okay.” 

“Carol? Carol?!” a nearby woman shrieked. 

“She’s over here, madam!” Peecolo shouted. 

The woman ran up and took her daughter from Brenda. “Oh, sweetheart!” She turned to Peecolo and Brenda. “Thank you!” 

“Thank you both. I appreciate it,” the officer said. “But you’d best head for safety.”

Brenda stared up at the blimps. You monsters will pay for what you’ve done.

---

Want to know what happens next? Stay tuned! Lady Luck will be released in the Spring of 2021.

Thank you for reading. What did you think of Chapter 1? Let me know on my social media pages. The links are available on the right hand bar. Thank you again, and I’ll see you on the Tramway.

October Update: Editing, Page Counts, & Classes

Hello everyone,

welcome back to the Tug & Tram Blogging. I hope that you all are doing well during this very stressful year. As you can see, it has been a while since I have posted. If you follow me on Twitter, you'll know that I have been taking a bit of a break for my mental health, and to focus on school. 

    Today, I'm working on my senior project (more below) at my college's library. There's an awesome view of the fountain, which I took. (You can see more photos like this on my Instagram, see the credits at the end)

    I'm taking a short break, and felt like now was a good time to give you all some updates on my life and writing.

    Life has been hectic, in particular because of the year we're living in. I have been keeping my grades up, and I'm adjusting well to apartment life. There has been hard times, but I've gotten through them, with thanks to my counselor. 

    Is it October already? Where has the time gone? I can't believe that the semester is almost over already. Like many colleges, mine has had to adapt to stay open. For us, part of that means we're closing earlier, and not having any breaks. Which means that I have less time to get my senior project finished.

    

    I freaked out about the length, and elements I was concerned were underdeveloped. However, thanks to help from my advisor and editor (thanks again Cristina!!) we're working on cutting the length down. The current goal, which my advisor recommended, 75 pages. 

    Now, bare in mind that my first draft was 124 pages, and the trimmed down version is 100, which is a very rough 100 pages roughed down (with chapters and characters chopped out). However, once I started working on Draft 3 today, its starting to come together. 

    It certainly won't be a single person job. If I've realized anything on my senior project, it's how much collaborative writing projects are. Without my editor and feedback, I wouldn't be able to complete the project. I have also realized I have a lot more to learn regarding writing, and I hope to continue learning. I'm ready to learn, and hope to continue improving. Thanks to everyone whose helped along the way, or offered encouragement. 

    Before I wrap up, I want to talk about the blog a bit. I'd like to say I'll be able to go back to a regular schedule, unfortunately, the semester is only going to get busier. Another problem is, when I move home, I won't have internet again (unless I can help my Mom get that set up and paid for). So once the semester ends, I may go quiet again. I will try and post when I can, though when I will post again is uncertain.

    I hope that you will stick around, and thank you to those who have. Question for my fellow writers, have you ever had to trim down a project before? How much did you end up trimming? And for non writers, what's the longest you've worked on a project?

    Thanks for reading. If you wish to follow me on social media, you can find me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. If you'd like to connect with me professionally, please consider connecting on LinkedIn, mention that you came from Tug & Tram Blogging. 

    Special thanks again to Cristina Jantz for helping me edit my project. If you would also like to get editing feedback from Ms. Jantz, go to tidbitediting.com 

    Thank you all for reading, and I'll see you on the Tramway.

August Update & Life on Campus in Covid (+ Friend Business Shout Out)

Welcome back to the Tramway,

and welcome back to another update post. I must say, it's good to be back on campus, in particular having internet. 

For those who don't know or missed my last post, my family recently moved and we haven't been able to afford internet at our new house yet. So my only way to go onto the internet was to walk through the July heat to a place with WiFi. Now that I'm back on college, I can be more active again.

I was thankful to move onto campus early to work, as part of the Campus Activity Council, and we held several events for the freshman during New Student Orientation week. Which didn't always go to plan.

Our first event, a scavenger hunt, got rained on, which made holding the paper for the hunt pretty hard. However, we persevered and everyone had a fun time. 

That was a lot more fun than helping freshman move in. From 9-1 pm, upperclassmen carried bags, laundry baskets, mini fridges and suitcases to elevators or upstairs. By the end of the event, I was exhausted.

The next event, and highlight of my weekend, was bubble soccer. Bubble soccer was comical, as freshman bumped into each other trying to score. We had a smart bullhorn and we played music across it when a team scored.

One of the Bubble Soccer games. Image Ⓒ Patrick Webb

I didn't participate myself, but I did help get the ball when it went through the goals (see above), so that way our players didn't have to run awkwardly in it. The teams had pretty good names, like Team Pineapple. One was team Covid! When the other team played against them, they were saying to each other "All right, we can't let Covid win. 

Covid didn't end up winning, and all around it was a fun event. We thankfully were able to keep everyone wearing their masks, and we had a lot of people participate and watching. One of the highlights was some freshman who commentated the games over the bullhorn. That was hilarious to watch, as they played it straight. 

Me and most of the members of CAC after the event. You can see me on the left with the white and pink hat. (Names withheld to protect their privacy)

In other news, adjusting to life on campus has been pretty good. I'm living in the apartments this semester, which's a BIG improvement over my last dorm room. I also appreciate my apartment mates, or as we call ourselves the "Soviet Republic of the Lad's Den." 

Don't ask me how we got that name.

All right, fine. We started as the Lad's Den, then Jeremiah decided that (since we're sharing food) that qualifies us a communists. Hence our name. I certainly am not going to complain about it, I think the name is hilarious, and I hope you do as well.

Today was the first day of class, and I had two classes: Writing for Media and War and Peace in 20th Century Europe. Both classes implemented social distancing in the classroom (Writing for Media has been split into two groups, and War & Peace has two students zooming in). Both classes had the desks 1 per person, and we all had to wear masks. 

I thankfully have a comfortable mask, though it was weird to wear it for so long. I was used to not wearing one because I spent most of my summer in my house, though I am adjusting quite well to it.

All right, let's go back to updates for writing. 

Over the summer I finished/started writing a few projects just for fun. I wrote a few Urban Fantasy Detective stories, a slice of life urban fantasy (lotta Urban Fantasy, I don't know why), and my Thomas & Friends inspired series. I also worked on a homage to Samurai Jack (and maybe Star Wars?) plus Usagi Yojimbo, plus a short story in the same universe of the former. 

I'm withholding the names at present (no offense readers, I trust you. It's the REST of the internet I don't trust). Most I wrote on paper, so I need to type them up before I can work on them further.

Currently, I need to work on research and editing of Lady Luck, my senior project. To do the research, I got "They Called us Enemy," written by George Takei of Star Trek fame. As I've mentioned before, because my story is set in the 1940's, I felt it would be immoral to not discuss the Japanese Internment that the US inflicted onto Japanese Americans.

The main concern for me is portraying it accurately and sensitively. I'll probably reach out to my college community and see if there's any Japanese Americans who are willing to be sensitivity readers of my book, to make sure I get it right. 

There's also several topics I need to do more research on, such as 1940's culture in Oregon, where I base the fictional town of Jenkville, along with African American cops in the 1940's, weapons, etc. 

If you have any suggestions for books to read about WWII, please let me know in the comments or on one of my many social medias. 

All right, I think that about wraps up recent events in my life. I hope you all are doing well. Are you adjusting back to campus life, or regular life? Let me know on Twitter or Facebook. If you'd like to connect with me professionally, please consider connecting on LinkedIn, mention that you came from Tug & Tram Blogging. 

Thanks for reading everyone, and I'll...

You didn't really think I was going to forget my third topic did you? 😝 

Jokes aside, I wish to give a shout out to my friend Cristina Jantz's company tidbitediting.com. Tidbit Editing is a service for high quality editing. Cristina offers a fair price for proof reading, $4 per page for novels, $3 for short stories, stage plays or picture books, $2 for blog posts and $5 for screen plays. 

I can personally recommend Cristina's editing skills. She helped me with a lot of my papers and projects during college. Without her, one of my short stories would not have been published. She knows how to raise your stories to the next level. You can find her email and contact information on her website above. Best of luck with your business Cristina!

All right, that will truly be all for me this post folks. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you on the Tramway!

July Update (Or Why I Disappeared from Internetland)

Welcome back to the Tramway,

I hope you are all doing well in the very chaotic year we're living in at present. And speaking of chaotic, that's part of why I've been gone. 

My last blog update was on June 1st, and since then I haven't been on here or anywhere else on the internet. And the reason for that is a lack of internet. My family had to move, let's just say because of "unhealthy landlord relationships," but it's for the best, we have more space and we're closer to friends and family.

The only downside is that we can't afford internet at present because of a lot of unexpected costs, in particular for my Mom's truck, which is her income source. While it is frustrating not being able to continue working online writing (blogs and fiction writing), along with talking to friends, I understand the situation, and I'm not going to complain. 

Until I move back onto campus, there probably won't be any blog posts in the near future. (I'm visiting a friend at the moment, hence this post existing at all). I hope you will all wait around for me to return, because I have some good ideas for topics, and want to keep everyone updated on my senior project, Lady Luck. 

Speaking of Lady Luck, I have shared the project with a friend who offered to help me with copy editing, to get the grammar, content, etc. up to snuff, as the saying goes. In the meantime I hope to plan out what I need to research for draft 2, and might brainstorm campus-marketing ideas. I would like it to be available to buy online, but my college doesn't have that in place, so we'll have to wait and see. In any case, I appreciate you all for reading about the project, and for any interest shown.

While on the topic of writing projects, I've found that I write a lot more without distractions from the internet. I used to think that I could write pretty well listening to music or podcasts. While I think that's true, without the endless possibilities for distractions (minus the TV in the background) I've found myself filling up notebook after notebook with ideas. In some ways I've become desperate for paper to write on!

Maybe it's because I don't have anything else to do, and my mind's so desperate for productivity that I've been writing so much, but I'm happy with the content I've made so far. I hope, when I'm taking a break from school and Lady Luck, to work on older projects I've been struggling to complete for years. I'll provide you more details in the future when those projects are farther along. 

That's all for me today. I hope to interact with you all more in the future. Until then, stay safe, and I'll see you on the Tramway. 

Tramway Updates (Midterms, Occasional Express, & Avatar: TLA Reaction)

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Tramway.

As you've probably seen, I haven't been very active on Tug & Tram Blogging for a while. I'm sorry folks, life has gotten a bit hectic recently. I have said in the past that real life will have to take priority, but I still want to try and write regularly. I guess that's the perfectionist in me showing.

All right, I'd like this post to not be 100% negative, so let me talk about what's going on in my life.

Midterms & Spring Break

.... I'm off to a GREAT start aren't I? Well, as I'm sure you can predict, midterm week has kept me busy, which is why I haven't been able to write a lot.

Funnily enough, despite it being midterm week, I haven't had any midterms yet. Which is a blessing and a curse, because both of my midterms (that I know of) are on the Monday... that we come back from break.......

Yay.

In all seriousness, I feel all right about the upcoming break. I'm going to a hockey game tonight with my Mom, and tomorrow I'm hoping to go to the Essenhaus Model Train show tomorrow and hang out with my best friend and his brother. It's an unofficial tradition that we go together. So stay tuned, I might take some photos for the blog (that's a blogging thing to do, right?)

So speaking of the weekend (and as I mentioned earlier) it's almost Spring Break!! You read that right. My college has a really early spring break, which, again, is a blessing and a curse.

My current plans for the break are to

A) Work on homework
2) Try and get some time in to write (in particular for Lady Luck, which will hopefully include some research)
Banana) Not lose my mind and
Penguin) try and do some networking.

Nothing says serious net-worker like that listing, right? 😛

I'm not sure how much writing or networking I will get done this break (as always, homework has to be the priority) but I'm sure I can manage to get some time in.

All right, onto the next topic.

Occasional Express Blog

So for those who've been following my blog for a while, you know that I created a second blog to act as a train related news source, just for fun. (And hopefully I can use it as a reference for a future job, if I decide to go into journalism).

If you're curious, you can find my secondary blog here.

So far posts have been pretty popular, though I do need to be careful not to get stuck into the numbers game. I will say that I have learned a fair bit about how time consuming writing articles is, and gained some experience interviewing people and asking questions via email.

When I was super stressed a few weeks back (part of the reason why I wasn't writing in a while) I considered dropping the Occasional Express. However, I have decided I will persevere and not abandon it, though I will make sure not to pressure myself too much to work on it. I recently wrote an article about the retiring of an excursion locomotive, which you can read here if you're interested.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Reaction

My last topic is on a show I've finally gotten the chance to watch. Me and my friend Jacob have been watching it on the occasional evening we both are free. So far we've made it into Book 2 and are almost done.

I have heard a lot about this show, and Avatar has certainly lived up to the hype. I love all the characters, the animation style, it's just, magnificent. I in particular love the comedic moments with Momo, the flying lemur and seeing Aang's character development over the two seasons.

Can I really add anything else to what has been said by the army of fans? Not at the moment. I will say that I started watching Avatar at the right time.

As I was planning to write in an earlier post (before life got a little too chaotic) I've been struggling with my own world building (in a term I dubbed "over worldbuilding") where I basically overthink my worlds and forget to focus on characters. I was also feeling very burnt out and didn't have any motivation to create.

Avatar has helped me relax and shut my brain off from my real life concerns and given me an excuse to hang out with a friend, which is a double bonus. On top of that, I have felt re-inspired to get back into writing. I'm not sure what that means yet, but I do know that I'm not out of the game yet. I might try and write some short stories, and visit one I worked on Freshman year of college but haven't finished. I will also continue and try to get "Ticket to a Wrong Time" published somewhere. But that's a post for another day.

Final thought: It's hard to hear Uncle Iroh and not hear Aku from Samurai Jack, since they were both voiced by the legendary Mako (Rest in Peace Mako).

All right, that's all from me for now. I'll try and get back into the habit of writing weekly once again, and I want to say thank you for those who've stuck around. I really appreciate it. Thanks once again, and I'll see you on the tramway.

May Term Update & Patrick Badly Explains the Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Trailer

Hello everyone,

I hope you're all well. I'm very tired at the moment, and losing my mind!! 😝 Just kidding, Patrick is fine. Patrick has not lost it. Patrick is not planning a cult to the Maple Leaf Tree (applications will be sent out soon).

May Term Update

All right, before you all jump ship, I am fine, just exhausted from May Term. Now you might be thinking "Patrick, what exactly is May Term?" Well dear reader, whether you're in high school, have been out of college for a few years, or never went to college (which's totally fine by the way, not everyone needs to), May Term is a 3 week intense study semester where students take a class in an express form, so they can clear space in their schedule. Some schools hold this between Fall and Spring Semester in January called J-Term, so some might be more familiar with that.

For May Term, classes start at 8 am, so I have to wake up at 7:15 am to get up, and go to bed at 10 pm. I'm sure some readers may roll their eyes at this being a "woe" (and fair enough 😛), though when you're used to 8:30 am, this' a jump. Oh well, it's not as bad as this summer, I'll have to wake up at 4:30 to get around for work!

But we're not talking about my summer job, we're talking about May Term (and Sonic, but we'll get to that).

I'm taking two classes during May Term, which's not normally done, but I can get away with because one is a 1 credit class. The one credit class is the English Writing Outside Workshop, led by Abbie Gascho, a Veterinarian, Writer and Mussel enthusiast/nerd. Because everyone is a nerd about everyone. Seriously, you should hear her talk about Mussels. She described to our class how she saw a pregnant female Mussel luring in fish with a lure, which they need to do so the babies can latch onto a fish for a ride, while she was diving when pregnant. (Quick Fun Fact, there's a Mussel Convention. Yes, there's enough people for that, which's important, since unfortunately mussels are endangered because of humans messing with the environment. Thanks humans).

Her face lit up as she gave us vivid details of seeing this rare sight. Mrs. Bascho wrote a book called "Immersion: The Science and Mystery of Freshwater Mussels," which I recommend you check out. I'm planning to in the future, hopefully my school library has a copy.

The class' really interesting, we went to Merry Lea yesterday (our off campus farm site) for a writing workshop, including a walk in the rain, and sitting in a barn loft to write. I might write about this later, or workshop an email on here about it. @ me later on twitter if I forget if this sounds interesting to you.

There's also interesting readings, such as this reading about octopuses. I'll link it here, and I suggest you give it a read: https://orionmagazine.org/article/deep-intellect

Here's another interesting one (unless you're a germaphobe, then this might terrify you):
https://orionmagazine.org/article/the-new-you

I actually just finished "Deep Intellect" for a class reading, and I'm taking a break (I probably shouldn't 😛) to write on here. I've really enjoyed the class, and the writing prompts we've done. I think I better understand how to write about nature, and to make parts of a specific environment, such as a squirrel, or a tree, a character. I also appreciate more creative non-fiction.

The workshop lasts one week, which's a relief, because it's very work intensive. By 6 pm tonight we're supposed to have two pieces of writing done, one which includes an interview, the other intensive research on a topic. I wrote about my college's prairie program, which I'll probably upload to here, so you can give it a read. (Side note: the other one including the interview won't be uploaded here, due to concerns from one of my interviewees about danger coming to the animals spoke about in the interview, so I'm sure you'll all understand).

My main class is Asian Thought, which discusses the faiths/philosophies of Asian cultures. According to our Professor Joann, Asian languages don't have a word for religion, it's actually a Western concept. I had no idea!

Asian Thought didn't start until today (I lost two free days to the Workshop, but it was worth it. Can you complain when you get to hang out with fellow writers and get free food, such as Mexican take out? Exactly) and seems very work intensive. So I might be on another hiatus from here, or maybe I'll just write during the weekend. There's not a lot to say about Asian Thought yet, since I've only had one class.

I can say I accidentally woke up an hour early. I thought class started at 8, turns out Joann pushed it to 9, but just for today. Oh well, it's another day to get used to waking up at 7:15 am.

Patrick Badly Explains the Sonic the Hedgehog Movie Trailer

All right, now to the juicy stuff!

So, welcome to the first blog (I'll explain in a sec) version of "Patrick Badly Explains," everyone's favorite (I hope) new recurring segment where Patrick badly explains a topic.

Now, I say blog version because this started in person with friends, and I thought "Hey? Why not try writing it down?" So here we are. I was considering making this a YouTube series, but since I already have the blog, it seemed best not to stretch myself too thin. So let's get into it!!

(!!Disclaimer!!: The following segment, "Patrick Badly Explains..." is meant for comedy/satire, and should not be taken as serious. This doesn't represent the author, and should not be quoted as their personal thoughts. Also, some things might be inconsistent, such as italicizing titles, this' a part of the joke, and I can't be bothered to really edit this segment. I actually did check for typos by the way, a joke's not funny if poorly planned. Do not take this as fact. No offense is intended, and the author apologizes in advance if this comes off the wrong way).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvvZaBf9QQI You can watch the trailer here if you want, I don't know why you would. If you hate yourself, or enjoy nightmares, here you go.

So, the Sonic the Hedgehog film trailer. This poor thing never had a chance. (What did we expect from a Sonic the Hedgehog movie produced by the producers of The Fast & Furious?) You see, some underpaid intern at Paramount (who probably hates their job) is clearly a Sonic fan. Why? Because they risked their job to leak photos of the film to the internet. The results were a unanimous reaction of "WHAT THE F&^%* DID THEY DO TO SONIC?!"

One leaked photo showed an outline of Sonic on a poster, and his all-too human hands!! Seriously, why do they look human? (I mean from memory, this' Patrick Badly Explains, do you expect me to do, look it up? Okay, fine, I checked, they still look too human, but kind of claw like, it's a poster what do you expect?)

Another leaked poster showed Sonic hanging out on the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge, graffiti-ing "Sonic Wuz here" like a 13 year old, and his legs, OH GOOD LORD those legs. Words cannot do them justice. But the internet did with memes.... which the Sonic official twitter started retweeting, and released a photo saying "Can't a guy work out?" Yes Sonic, but don't just go on leg day, otherwise you look like an uneven monster!

So yeah, this trailer had a lot to live up to, or rather make up for. And then it randomly dropped on May 30. I guess after the excitement of Avengers: Endgame, Paramount thought we all needed to be brought back to reality and end the month on a bad note. Allowing the internet to do what the internet does best, react and freak out. Like on here!!

Currently the trailer's been #1 on trending for two days, but not for good reasons. The like-dislike ratio is fighting between hardcore Sonic fans who will support anything Sonic related, and everyone else (Disclaimer: Real talk here, please remember that this' just a joke, please don't get angry @ me Sonic Fandom). Likes currently sit at 203,000, and dislikes 323,000. Geez, this' a more intense race than PewdiePie vs T-Series, and as equally unimportant.

So what's in this trailer? Well, we finally see the Sonic design officially. Whoever did the design hates Sonic, so they smoked a butt load of crack, then drew a misshaped Sonic, with...EVERYTHING wrong! I know the Sonic Fandom is used to disappointment, but come on! We've got Detective Pikachu coming out the same year as this! You can't, CAN'T tell me a movie studio can't get Sonic right. Some rando on the internet literally fixed the design by making the eyes bigger, there's literally no excuse.

Now, to the rest of the trailer. It's actually pretty good, and would look like silly fun if not for this dumb design. It's got a generic plot: video game character comes into the real world, and has to get home. Sonic's done this before with the anime Sonic X, which was pretty good. I mean, maybe that's nostalgia blinding me, for a show I hardly remember and a character I somewhat like.

We also see Jim Carrey as Dr. Robotnik, or Eggman, or whatever the hell Sega's renamed him. I swear next he'll be Dr. Eg. Mann, or Dr. Egg Robotnik next. Or maybe just Larry, I'd be down with Sonic vs. Larry: Dawn of Speed.

Anyways, Jim Carrey doesn't seem like he cares. I think he pulled a Tommy Lee Jones Batman Forever and did this for his kids. Or maybe they threw enough money at him. (I mean at least he shaved that crazy wild man beard, or maybe Paramount's just trolling Warner Bros. even more since Justice League by cgi-ing the beard off better than Henry Cavill's mustache and demon lip). You know I like the latter theory better, that's my head canon now.

Lastly, the song. WHY did they use Gangster's Paradise? It doesn't fit, or have anything to do with Sonic. Granted, Detective Pikachu used "Holding out for a Hero," but at least that worked. Wait.... that's it! All right, here's my theory!

Some Paramount Executive was like "Bro, did you see that Detective Pikachu trailer? We need an 80's song! Whatta do we have the rights to?"

"Well, we've got Gangsta's Paradise, which a Sonic Fan used, but--"

"PUT THAT SUCKER IN!!"

Yeah, the trailer's an...interesting mess. And if anything this movie's just going to be a meme gold mine. No, a DIAMOND mine, because like real diamonds (which would be worthless if they weren't monopolized) this movie's going to make money even if it's not that good. Probably, I don't know. Maybe there's enough hardcore Sonic fans out there so it'll make money.

This concludes Patrick Badly Explains..., tune in next time (whenever that is).

Conclusion

All right, back to seriousness. I hope you enjoyed that session of Patrick Badly Explains. Let me know in the comments if you want to see me do that more.

Thanks for reading. You can find me on Twitter @ Conductor Pat. Keep writing, and I'll
see you on the Tramway!